Another milestone for me. I have been avoiding this topic for some time and although I didn't discuss over the phone, I did through text. I asked my soon to be ex-husband to file for divorce. I need the closure and so does he and we need to move on. I've already moved out and on, but this is the finality of the situation.
It's hard to say goodbye to comfortable, but comfortable for me was a lonely place and miserable. Too many nights spent crying, and dying inside only to put on a happy mask and pretend it was going to work out, or be okay. I'm not sure why I tortured myself for so long? Why I couldn't let go? I was so afraid.
Not anymore. I need to be happy and joyful, and I am a different person when I am not around my ex. We seemed to bring out the worst in each other, but apart we can be friends. He's happy and so am I. I don't feel the need to sit in my house and be alone. I want to be outside all the time here. Yesterday I spent almost the entire day walking, riding my bike sitting by the ocean and watching the waves crash, watching people and surfer booty....clearly :) and listening to great music. Completely relaxing and wonderful. I even ran into surferdude while walking my dogs....oh my did he look good! chomp!!
I know that being married taught me forgiveness. For some reason I was never able to forgive myself. I could forgive him, my parents, people who had hurt me etc., but never myself. I always felt guilty. Today I am learning to forgive myself, be guilt free and shedding the guilty layers one ugly pound at a time. Today is a new day.
This is the first step to the rest of your life. Remember as one door closes, another opens. You deserve to be happy!
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